Tuesday, February 07, 2012                

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From the archives
Latest stuff
My blog has moved.... so follow me to http://iangotts.wordpress.com
Dancing tells a dramatic story with athleticism
The Rise of the Stealth Cloud
BPM ready for the Clouds?
Free piano - a great listing on Craigslist
Effective change management - or just monkey business?
Predictably Irrational - Dan Ariely @ TED
Does social media work? Doh!!
Drains and Radiators on BBC Radio2 - what are you?
TED : The case for motivation - Daniel Pink
How great leaders inspire action : TED
A hung parliament is just like a business... I think not!
For those of you thinking of ask me to do something for free.....
How to succeed - Economist video interview
Some day all process will be this efficient
Why Gen Y is more than just a bunch of kids on Macbooks
A worthy successor to the iPad
Which hat are you wearing? ... for BPM
So what are your excuses for failure. Here's Nike's list
Take the GQ test: Are you ready for Process Management?
Blink: Why people love tall men
The implications of the Stealth Cloud for the CIO
How business vendor-client relationships work would work in real life
P!ink takes 'performance' to a new level
Analysts are like eunuchs in a brothel
Wrong may also be right - 2 min TED video
iPad debate is missing the (business) point. There is a real use for it
Why Hitler won't be getting an iPad
Why schools kill creativity
How to live to be 100
You said Process - but what do you mean
What happens when Staff Heroics are not enough?
New Year's resolutions - top 10 reasons why people stay sad and unhappy
Social Networking - boon or bane for promoting your company?
How green is your company, Daddy?
Disappointly poor attitude / service at the Institute of Directors, Pall Mall
Are enterprises ready for the public Cloud? Gartner says not
A little Apple bashing?
Are you a radiator or a drain?
Why the recession makes us bad managers
Time for reality TV show - "CIO Make-over or Get me out of here"
STR- simply recognizing a Stroke can save lives
Is Business Process Improvement stuck in the 1990's... what is needed is BOMS
Is the enterprise ready for the iPhone? (not the reverse)
Thanksgiving - a vacation the UK don't understand but were partly responsible for
Managing the iPod Generation.... new book planned
Improv comedy is relevant to business but also life
No jokes please - we're british
Conducting an orchestra gives a different perspective on process
Bad presentations waste people's time and disturb the sleep of 100s of innocent people
350,000,000 reasons why process is important
How good is your leader?
Product Innovation important, but what about Process Innovation
Citizen app developers
BT Cloud event - Q&A on why, how, who
A man goes into a shop and says “I’d like to buy a Cloud Computer”
BPM the Cloud... decidedly cloudy
What people will do for free (Hint: it is not read/maintain processes)
Another year older, another year further from understanding Gen Y
Don't procrastinate. If you enjoy it today, you can do it again tomorrow
HTC Touch HD is really nice but UI only 95% there...
Inspiring Performance '09 - Nimbus Annual User conference
Are your managers operating as company doctors or coroners?
A day in the life of a CEO 2010 (or is it 2015)
Technology is for the birds: carrier pigeons replace WAN
Force.com - CIO's dream or nightmare?
Going green and bananas
Why process inefficiency is expensive Sounds obvious, but it is more expensive than you realise
Humphrey Littleton - RIP, a huge loss
OpEx and CapEx. Now there is StratEx
12 things to make your face 2 face networking better
What sort of business networking club?
Buying Cloud Computing services
The recessionary recruitment cycle
€100m for a soccer player plus €15m per year. Love to see their ROI case
Does culture drive dress code, or the reverse?
4 things you should never do (make that 5), as you can't go back
Making excuses - the greatest reason for failure?
Why "process management" is critical in a recession
How to be the same old failure in the New Year
The evolution of (listening to) music
The art of boot strapping
Managing software engineers - nerd-herding
Business Networking = Singles Parties
Who are you REALLY? A British citizen without an ID card
Letter from the UK Goverment Inland Revenue - too true
Finding the right sales person - but there are 4 types matching the sales cultures
The trick with running BIG projects ($100m - $1bn) is managing the interfaces
How our Government wastes our taxes on IT
Make change a competence
The Director's Cut..... why ERP is better 2nd time around
Why the Quality Manager is dead (or should be!)
What do golf and implementing software have in common?
The Chinese Connection : 4 years on
No need to train sales skills - learnt on the job or maybe great salesmen are born that way
Companies are reaching the Chasm quicker... danger signs!!!
What rules and policies do you have which are nailing your business?
Facebook was for college undergraduates and is now overrun with 40+ year olds
www.acronymcentral.com Hiding behind the TLA
Why Killer Products Don't Sell..... published at last
Thoughts and ramblings

Current Articles | Categories | Search | Syndication

For those of you thinking of ask me to do something for free.....

Below is a true (and very funny) exchange which I think sums up how easy it is to discount the value of experience.

 

It also illustates that email is only 7% of the communication. The other being 38% tonality and 55% body language.

 

Finally a picture (or pie chart) says a thousand words

 

BTW I am perfectly happy to give up time  - a valuable resource which is finite - to help people.


Start from the top.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 2.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Logo Design

Hello David,

I would like to catch up as I am working on a really exciting project at the moment and need a logo designed. Basically something representing peer to peer networking. I have to have something to show prospective clients this week so would you be able to pull something together in the next few days? I will also need a couple of pie charts done for a 1 page website. If deal goes ahead there will be some good money in it for you.

Simon


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 3.52pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

Disregarding the fact that you have still not paid me for work I completed earlier this year despite several assertions that you would do so, I would be delighted to spend my free time creating logos and pie charts for you based on further vague promises of future possible payment. Please find attached pie chart as requested and let me know of any changes required.

Regards, David.




From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 4.11pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Logo Design

Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? I told you the previous projects did not go ahead. I invested a lot more time and energy in those projects than you did. If you put as much energy into the projects as you do being a dickhead you would be a lot more successful.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 5.27pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

You are correct and I apologise. Your last project was actually both commercially viable and original. Unfortunately the part that was commercially viable was not original, and the part that was original was not commercially viable.

I would no doubt find your ideas more 'cutting edge' and original if I had traveled forward in time from the 1950's but as it stands, your ideas for technology based projects, that have already been put into application by other people several years before you thought of them, fail to generate the enthusiasm they possibly deserve. Having said that though, if I had traveled forward in time, my time machine would probably put your peer to peer networking technology to shame as not only would it have commercial viability, but also an awesome logo and accompanying pie charts.

Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.

Regards, David.





From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 11.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You just crossed the line. You have no idea about the potential this project has. The technology allows users to network peer to peer, add contacts, share information and is potentially worth many millions of dollars and your short sightedness just cost you any chance of being involved.



From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 1.36pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

So you have invented Twitter. Congratulations. This is where that time machine would definitely have come in quite handy.

When I was about twelve, I read that time slows down when approaching the speed of light so I constructed a time machine by securing my father's portable generator to the back of my mini-bike with rope and attaching the drive belt to the back wheel. Unfortunately, instead of traveling through time and finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the footpath at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident report "Cause of accident?" I stated 'time travel attempt' but she wrote down 'stupidity'.

If I did have a working time machine, the first thing I would do is go back four days and tell myself to read the warning on the hair removal cream packaging where it recommends not using on sensitive areas. I would then travel several months back to warn myself against agreeing to do copious amounts of design work for an old man wieding the business plan equivalent of a retarded child poking itself in the eye with a spoon, before finally traveling back to 1982 and explaining to myself the long term photographic repercussions of going to the hairdresser and asking for a haircut exactly like Simon LeBon's the day before a large family gathering.

Regards, David.



From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.29pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You really are a fucking idiot and have no idea what you are talking about. The project I am working on will be more successful than twitter within a year. When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any emails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.



From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.58pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design





From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Anyone else would be able to see the opportunity I am presenting but not you. You have to be a fucking smart arse about it. All I was asking for was a logo and a few pie charts which would have taken you a few fucking hours.



From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.25pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon

Actually, you were asking me to design a logotype which would have taken me a few hours and fifteen years experience. For free. With pie charts. Usually when people don't ask me to design them a logo, pie charts or website, I, in return, do not ask them to paint my apartment, drive me to the airport, represent me in court or whatever it is they do for a living. Unfortunately though, as your business model consists entirely of "Facebook is cool, I am going to make a website just like that", this non exchange of free services has no foundation as you offer nothing of which I wont ask for.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

What the fuck is your point? Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.02pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design



From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.13pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Do not ever email me again.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.19pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Ok. Good luck with your project. If you need anything let me know.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.27pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Get fucked.




 

posted @ Thursday, May 06, 2010 5:04 PM by host

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